Oh Valentine..commercial hoarder..I choose God's love Instead...

Oh Valentine ’s Day, how we love to love and hate you with the every moving tide of our relationship status.  Of all of the holidays that we celebrate, Valentine ’s Day is my least favorite. One of the unhealthiest things we can do to ourselves is to use others as a litmus test to gauge our success. Yet to me, that’s exactly what Valentine’s represent. I got flowers delivered.  You didn’t. I went to a fancy dinner. You didn’t. You got diamonds. I didn’t.  Someone fails every single time. Either you become envious of someone else’s life or you deem your life worthy based on someone else’s misfortune or circumstance. True love should genuinely be celebrated every single day, not crammed into one tiny day of the year and compared to everyone else.

True love is respectful. We quote this one all the time, but you could spend your whole life trying to get it right.

1^st Corinthians Chpt 13: 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

I don’t want a love where you have to cram in all of your love for me in one day to make up for all the ways you disrespected me the rest of the year. I cringe to think of all the husbands sending flowers to their wives AND girlfriends.  When I worked at Frederick’s of Hollywood, I actually had a customer buy two of the same outfit in two sizes and he had the audacity to tell me one was for his wife and one was for his girlfriend. DISGUSTING!

Which (mini tangent in a tangent) reminds me to say, when someone shows you who they really are, believe them the first time! If they cheated with you, they will cheat on you. If they cheated on you, they will cheat again. If they treat you like crap, disrespect you and those around you- FLOWERS WILL NOT FIX IT!!! YOU CANNOT FIX IT!!! Let that person go with all the peace and love in the world and let God work it out. Only He knows the path and timing for each of us. This is a hard hard lesson. Sometimes we see the writing all over the wall and we just want to help someone. I really do believe the old adage is true, you can bring a horse to water, but you cannot make him drink. The best you can do is providing insight, walk away, and let God do the rest.

True love isn’t mystical or magical. It is two people making a commitment to one another to respect one another, to put their relationship first, to love one another when things get tough and not fly away. Sadly, we don’t live in a society where commitment is taken very serious. It’s actually really sad to me how many people try to sweep their deep seated issues under the rug and pretend how amazing their lives are so no one guesses they are really falling apart.

Now, I do not pretend to be an expert in love. I certainly have made my share of mistakes. I have been TERRIBLE in relationships.  I have prayed for God to forgive me for the people who trusted me with their love in the past and I intentionally and selfishly stomped all over them, manipulated them and disrespected them. When I met Nikki, I didn’t miraculously receive some healing in relationships. Together, we made a conscious decision to respect one another and to stick it out, come what may.

For my friends that are feeling solemn today because they hate Valentines, I hope this will allow you to pause, reflect, and reconsider.

The single most important love we can ever experience is the love of our father God. He is truly our great provider and the one who will see us through in our darkest and most private moments.

The second most important love is the love we have for ourselves which honors the gift of life that God gave us.

The third love we should consider is the love we give to those around us, not just our lovers, but every single person we come in contact with.

Romantic love falls to the bottom of the list, where it belongs.  And if you only get to be successful as some love, isn’t finding the love God has for you, learning to love yourself, and learning to love others a much greater gift?

I am not saying being alone is easy. Sometimes it just sucks! But I want to remind you of God’s perfect timing. God absolutely has a plan for you. He will not be late, but He won’t be early either. He sees everything, knows everything, and can make anything happen. Do you really think you can get in God’s way if He has a plan for you??? In fact, I am going to share a love letter with you. It’s the very best, most personal, amazing love letter you could ever receive and I promise you it is more than enough to see you through whatever moment you are in.

My Child,

You may not know me, but I know everything about you. Psalm 139:1

I know when you sit down and when you rise up. Psalm 139:2

I am familiar with all your ways. Psalm 139:3

Even the very hairs on your head are numbered. Matthew 10:29-31

For you were made in my image. Genesis 1:27

In me you live and move and have your being.Acts 17:28

For you are my offspring. Acts 17:28

I knew you even before you were conceived. Jeremiah 1:4-5

I chose you when I planned creation. Ephesians 1:11-12

You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book. Psalm 139:15-16

I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live. Acts 17:26

You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14

I knit you together in your mother's womb. Psalm 139:13

And brought you forth on the day you were born. Psalm 71:6

I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me.John 8:41-44

I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love. 1 John 4:16

And it is my desire to lavish my love on you. 1 John 3:1

Simply because you are my child and I am your Father. 1 John 3:1

I offer you more than your earthly father ever could. Matthew 7:11

For I am the perfect father. Matthew 5:48

Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand. James 1:17

For I am your provider and I meet all your needs. Matthew 6:31-33

My plan for your future has always been filled with hope. Jeremiah 29:11

Because I love you with an everlasting love. Jeremiah 31:3

My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore.Psalms 139:17-18

And I rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17

I will never stop doing good to you. Jeremiah 32:40

For you are my treasured possession. Exodus 19:5

I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul. Jeremiah 32:41

And I want to show you great and marvelous things. Jeremiah 33:3

If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me. Deuteronomy 4:29

Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

For it is I who gave you those desires. Philippians 2:13

I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine. Ephesians 3:20

For I am your greatest encourager. 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you. Psalm 34:18

As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart. Isaiah 40:11

One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes. Revelation 21:3-4

And I'll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth.Revelation 21:3-4

I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus.John 17:23

For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed. John 17:26

He is the exact representation of my being. Hebrews 1:3

He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you. Romans 8:31

And to tell you that I am not counting your sins.2 Corinthians 5:18-19

Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled. 2 Corinthians 5:18-19

His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you. 1 John 4:10

I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love. Romans 8:31-32

If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me. 1 John 2:23

And nothing will ever separate you from my love again.Romans 8:38-39

Come home and I'll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen.Luke 15:7

I have always been Father, and will always be Father.Ephesians 3:14-15

My question is…Will you be my child? John 1:12-13

I am waiting for you. Luke 15:11-32

Love, Your Dad Almighty God

Father's Love Letter used by permission Father Heart Communications

© 1999-2011 www.FathersLoveLetter.com

Asian Cooking

Tonight I prepped dinner for tomorrow. On the menu? Grilled chicken with peanut satay; Asian pork tenderloin & coleslaw. 

The tenderloin should be marinated overnight with 1/2 jalapeno diced finely and equal parts rice wine vinegar, sugar, ketchup, orange juice, soy sauce, and hoisin sauce. I then will cook the pork with all of the marinade in a casserole dish until the pork is done. 

The coleslaw is cabbage(you can pre-cut or cut your own and add carrot slices), 1/2 a finely chopped jalapeno, a head of cilantro chopped, rice wine vinegar, sugar and salt. 

You'll notice I don't have a lot of measurements for this... I like to cook to taste, so you can add more or less of something depending on if you like salty, sour, or sugary more. My rule of thumb is to start of with less ingredient than you will need to so you can course correct as you go vs trying to fix food once it has too much salt. :) 

The chicken Sate with Spicy Peanut dipping sauce comes from Ellie Krieger who specializes in healthy foods. If you try any of these, let me know what you think!!!

Ingredients

• 1/2 cup low-sodium chicken stock
• 1/2 cup lite coconut milk
• 2 tablespoons low-sodium soy sauce
• 1 shallot, sliced thin
• 1 clove garlic, minced
• 1 1/2 teaspoons Thai fish sauce (or 2 additional teaspoons low sodium soy sauce)
• 1 tablespoon brown sugar
• 1/2 teaspoon lime zest
• 1 tablespoon minced fresh ginger
• 1 pound skinless, boneless chicken breast pounded slightly and cut into 1-inch strips

Directions

8 (8-inch) bamboo skewers, soaked for 20 minutes

• 3/4 cup Spicy Peanut Dipping Sauce, recipe below
• 2 tablespoons minced fresh basil or cilantro leaves
• 1/4 cup chopped toasted peanuts

In a medium sized bowl, whisk together the chicken stock, coconut milk, soy sauce, shallot, garlic, fish sauce, brown sugar, lime zest, and ginger. Add the chicken strips and marinate for 1 hour. Remove the chicken from the marinade and discard the marinade.

Spray a nonstick grill pan with cooking spray and preheat over a medium-high flame. While pan is heating, thread chicken onto skewers. Grill 2 to 3 minutes per side, until meat is cooked through and has light grill marks.

Serve chicken skewers with Peanut Dipping Sauce, and garnish with basil or cilantro and chopped peanuts.

Yield: 4 servings (2 skewers and 2 tablespoons peanut sauce per serving)

Spicy Peanut Dipping Sauce:

• 1/2 cup natural creamy peanut butter
• 1/4 cup low-sodium chicken broth
• 3 tablespoons low-sodium soy sauce
• 1 1/2 tablespoons brown sugar
• 1 1/2 tablespoons minced fresh ginger
• 2 tablespoons lime juice
• 1 teaspoon minced garlic
• 1/2 teaspoon chili flakes
• 1 teaspoon red curry paste
• 1 shallot, peeled and roughly chopped

Place all ingredients in blender and blend until smooth.

Sauce can be made 1 day ahead of time, and will keep 3 to 4 days in the refrigerator.

Yield: about 1 1/4 cups

Onion Dip: A healthier and yummier alternative

If you love onion dip, but hate the calories, I have a fix and it is SUPER simple:
You will need: 2 large white onions, olive oil, salt, 4 or 5 pieces off a garlic bulb, fat free sour cream and Veganaise. Veganaise is a Mayo alternatives that is more natural, more flavorful, better for you and vegan friendly. You will find this in the dairy section as it has to be kept in the fridge.
Heat up you large sauce pan with a bit of olive oil. Toss in the garlic, salt, pepper, and sliced onions. Sweat the onions down completely until they are super soft with a browned and caramel appearance. Meanwhile, mix together 1 medium container of fat fee sour cream and 1/2  cup of Veganaise.
Once the onions are complete just add to the sour cream mixture. Mix well. Refrigerate for a couple of hours. It also happens to be really good warm as well. Serve with low fat whole wheat pita chips. DONE! ;)

Ode to Love-Kim's 3 lessons

Someone recently said that Nikki and I were her role model couple. She's not the first one to say something so flattering to Nikki and I. We are blessed beyond measure to have found each other at the time we did, which was no accident, but divine intervention. The fact that I have any resemblance of a normal relationship is in and of itself a miracle. I've been doing lots of observing lately, both of myself and those around me. I apologize in advance to my friends who may or may not be Guinea pigs :)

I have three things that I feel compelled to talk about. 1. You have to be healthy to attract healthy- it's a ticket to entry. 2. Relationships require discipline, not a feeling. 3. We have become desensitized to how much we sabotage ourselves.

When I was in my twenties, which I cringe to look back on now, I went through relationships like I went through Zima's with grenadine.

People were disposable.

I couldn't stand myself. I had no respect for myself. How does someone with that mentality ever really fully care about another human being and make a relationship work? THEY DON'T! So the first lesson is that you have to love yourself and respect yourself before you'll ever be truly ready to invite TRUE love into your life. Until then, you will attract pieces and parts at best. I mean the truth of the matter is, if you are F'ed up in the head, why would someone genuinely well balanced and a good partner ever latch on to you? THEY WON'T! This is a ticket to entry.

This also makes me think of relationships where someone cheats and then tries to come crawling back. Unhealthy says, I can fix it. I still love her. It looks back on the "good times" and mourns for something that will never ever exist again. Healthy says, "you can't even respect yourself. You will never be able to give me the respect I deserve. Get out!" Not learned easily for the self loathing. I still struggle to stay healthy and thank God every day for His wisdom. There are some relationships I thanks the baby Jesus for helping me to walk away from. If not, I'd still be stuck in toxic with no room for healthy.

This brings me to point two. If you are able to pull yourself up by your bootstraps and you are able to find someone who has done the same, you still have to apply discipline. What do I mean? First off, I really believe relationships are hard because you have way more remorse than buying a $200 pair of jeans that really don't make your ass look good. AND you can't always tell if they fit well the first go round. Everyone is on their best behavior in month one, two, three, four, five and sometimes beyond. You've got to keep the jeans around a while; wear them in. You wake up one day and your like, I REALLY DON'T LIKE THESE JEANS AT ALL! But then the bargaining starts. "I spent $200 on these jeans! I am not buying new jeans! Maybe if I wear them with a long sweater..." It's hard to trade in a relationship 6 months, a year or two in. We don't want to admit defeat. We don't want to start over. And God help us, by the time we realize we are not with our soul mate, often moving boxes are involved. But, if we stay with the wrong person we are not making room for the right person! Finding a soul mate is no time for a compromise. We are talking about THE REST OF YOUR LIFE! Part of the trick is REALLY doing your homework up front. To me, it is critical that you find a partner who makes you laugh and shares the core values you share around money, long term goals, children, marriage, career, and religion. They don't have to be identical, but they should be pretty close. Negotiating bowling night is a far cry from negotiating the religion you want to raise your children.

If you are vigilant enough and you hold out for someone who is equally yolked, the biggest key is discipline to keep it together. Eventually no matter how in love with someone you are, eventually YOU WILL PLATEAU. That's life. It's so important to keep certain disciplines in your relationship. Share your faith. Laugh. Change up your routine. Treat each other with respect. Don't belittle each other in front of friends. Now some of you might be like "DUH"!!!!!! But it's easy when your 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 years into a relationship to take each other for granted.. you can forget to pray or go to church. Life gets stressful and you forget to laugh with one another. Decide in advance what is really important to both of you. Make a commitment. Revisit that commitment often. Check in on how you're doing to the goals you've set about your relationship.

Lastly, stop self sabotaging! We all struggle with this. I keep trying to do God's job for Him and I keep trying to make my world smaller than it has to be. God has much MUCH MUCH BIGGER plans for us than we can ever have for ourselves. Sometimes I might say something like, "I'll never have that." SAYS WHO????? Ask God to take over. Ask Him to pave the way. And ask Him to help get you out of the way!

I hope my ranting has been helpful and caused you to stop and re-evaluate a couple things in the new year :)

This is the article I found earlier by Grant Cardone also speaks nicely to some of the thoughts I hit on.

"Love is not a feeling, love is a decision you make and continue to make in order to create an experience that is described as love. Love is an action that if you don't use it you lose it. Love is like any communication, if you never send it out, you won’t get a return. Love is something you give to others not something you feel because something happens to you. Most of my life I was under the delusion that love was a feeling, something that was going to happen to me. Love is not something that happens to you but something that you make happen to you and happen to others. Love is something that grows from your actions and decisions and if you don’t have it and or not experiencing it then there is something you don’t know about love! I spent most of my adult life waiting for love to happen to me and after one failed marriage and endless searching for “the right person” I finally realized the truth about love, how to have it, how to create it and how to sustain it. Wikipedia also states love as an experience related to a strong sense of affection. Affection is a "disposition or state of mind or body"[1] that is often associated with a feeling or type of love. This definition suggests that you do something rather than have something done to you. How do you feel affection for anything? You would actually decide to show it love, admire it, pay attention to it, treat it right, honor it, praise it, and find the good in it. At which point you will then have affection for it. Mistreat it, lie to it, and ignore it and I assure you that you will not feel affection for it nor will you ever say you love it. Love is probably the single most universally desired human quality that exist on this planet. Love is not something you can buy or barter, it is not taught at school, it doesn’t matter how rich you are, your IQ, race, creed, religion, social economic status or who you know. So on this Valentine's Day practice making a decision to love and then following that decision up with actions that communicate love. Remember love is not a feeling; love is a decision!"

Welcome 2012

Every year I write my goals for the following year and recap the previous year to hold myself accountable and review progress.
2012 goals:
-Attend church 75% of the time if not more
-Read the bible 2 to 3 times a week
-Write something weekly- blog or poetry
-Plan kitchen remodel (additional cabinet space, table for 10-12, new appliances, and new countertops)
-Figure out how God really wants me to use my talents; how do I serve the world best?
-Buy a small RV for weekend travel
-Continue working on my relationship with Nikki every single day
-Clean out our closets and storage- literally- get rid of the JUNK!
-Create a health plan I can stick with

2011 goals in review :
-Continue to prioritize my relationship with God and my relationship with Nikki in every opportunity: Still an opportunity. We did a lot with church through bible studies and non profit work, but still feel like we can do a lot more. Nikki and I have done a good job praying over meals and praying every morning. We need to get back to bible studies and attend church more frequently in 2012.-Get Duke registered with Delta Society and Reading Paws so we can visit schools and nursing homes together. Duke passed his therapy test and we have been on a couple visits already-Get to freaking Italy Spent 3 weeks in In Italy, France, Spain, and Portugal. SO SO SO excited about finally being able to make this dream come true. Thank you God!-Create a longer term strategy around future wealth. I want 6 digits in my income and 7 digits in my portfolio. I won't stop until I figure out a way to make that happen. Other people can do it, so there's no reason I can't either Really struggled with this one. Spending 2012 focusing on what I love and trying to get away from the dollar amount. While I would like to create additional wealth, I really want to find what it is that God wants me to do so I can best leverage my strengths.-Buy an RV for weekend travel- moved to 2012 since we spent so much on our 3 week trip :)

Love me some lesbians

Ok this is probably going to come out sounding bitchy. I like women. In fact, I love them. I love the way they look, smell, dress, etc... And I certainly protect the right to be who you are and express yourself as you see fit. When I look at women, I am drawn to the ones that look like, I don't know... women. And hey, if you are a boy stuck in a chick body, I get that.
What I don't get is perfectly good looking women who sabatoge themselves by looking like shit repeatedly in public. Now you have to understand this is a BIG statement for me. I am not a fashionista. I can barely dress myself. And hey, you can dress any way you damn well please.
With that said, I am making sure I show love to my lesbian sisters. Here are top tips:
1. Stop buying boy jeans and jeans that are 3 sizes too big. Saggy jeans suck and make you look like you shit your pants. We want to see your ass!
2. If you wear the same shoes day after day after day after day, we will NOTICE.
3. You can be a tomboy with long hair that is not a mullet. Why do so many perfectly sexy lesbians cut all their hair off? Now I have seen some very attractive lesbians with short hair. I am just asking why the ratio of short haired women is so much higher in the lesbian community? I mean really? WHY???
4. If you look, act, dress and smell like a dude, I am passing you over... If I wanted a dude, I would have married one.
5. Plaid is not in fashion and probably will never be again- BURN it!!!!

I firmly believe if you are a lesbian, you represent all of us. We should show we are proud of who we are. You can absolutely be butch or androgynous and be super hot. Thing Shane from the L word. However, if you don't take care of yourself, you make it look like we all sit in a pool of self loathing all day. I love soft, beautiful, sexy, confident women who can ebb and flow between masculine and feminine. Women are incredible creatures...harness your power!

Thanks and happy hunting ;)

I love this poem!!!!!!

Longing by Matthew Arnold

Come to me in my dreams, and then
By day I shall be well again!
For so the night will more than pay
The hopeless longing of the day.
Come, as thou cam’st a thousand times,
A messenger from radiant climes,
And smile on thy new world, and be
As kind to others as to me!
Or, as thou never cam’st in sooth,
Come now, and let me dream it truth,
And part my hair, and kiss my brow,
And say, My love why sufferest thou?
Come to me in my dreams, and then
By day I shall be well again!
For so the night will more than pay
The hopeless longing of the day