Oh Valentine..commercial hoarder..I choose God's love Instead...

Oh Valentine ’s Day, how we love to love and hate you with the every moving tide of our relationship status.  Of all of the holidays that we celebrate, Valentine ’s Day is my least favorite. One of the unhealthiest things we can do to ourselves is to use others as a litmus test to gauge our success. Yet to me, that’s exactly what Valentine’s represent. I got flowers delivered.  You didn’t. I went to a fancy dinner. You didn’t. You got diamonds. I didn’t.  Someone fails every single time. Either you become envious of someone else’s life or you deem your life worthy based on someone else’s misfortune or circumstance. True love should genuinely be celebrated every single day, not crammed into one tiny day of the year and compared to everyone else.

True love is respectful. We quote this one all the time, but you could spend your whole life trying to get it right.

1^st Corinthians Chpt 13: 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

I don’t want a love where you have to cram in all of your love for me in one day to make up for all the ways you disrespected me the rest of the year. I cringe to think of all the husbands sending flowers to their wives AND girlfriends.  When I worked at Frederick’s of Hollywood, I actually had a customer buy two of the same outfit in two sizes and he had the audacity to tell me one was for his wife and one was for his girlfriend. DISGUSTING!

Which (mini tangent in a tangent) reminds me to say, when someone shows you who they really are, believe them the first time! If they cheated with you, they will cheat on you. If they cheated on you, they will cheat again. If they treat you like crap, disrespect you and those around you- FLOWERS WILL NOT FIX IT!!! YOU CANNOT FIX IT!!! Let that person go with all the peace and love in the world and let God work it out. Only He knows the path and timing for each of us. This is a hard hard lesson. Sometimes we see the writing all over the wall and we just want to help someone. I really do believe the old adage is true, you can bring a horse to water, but you cannot make him drink. The best you can do is providing insight, walk away, and let God do the rest.

True love isn’t mystical or magical. It is two people making a commitment to one another to respect one another, to put their relationship first, to love one another when things get tough and not fly away. Sadly, we don’t live in a society where commitment is taken very serious. It’s actually really sad to me how many people try to sweep their deep seated issues under the rug and pretend how amazing their lives are so no one guesses they are really falling apart.

Now, I do not pretend to be an expert in love. I certainly have made my share of mistakes. I have been TERRIBLE in relationships.  I have prayed for God to forgive me for the people who trusted me with their love in the past and I intentionally and selfishly stomped all over them, manipulated them and disrespected them. When I met Nikki, I didn’t miraculously receive some healing in relationships. Together, we made a conscious decision to respect one another and to stick it out, come what may.

For my friends that are feeling solemn today because they hate Valentines, I hope this will allow you to pause, reflect, and reconsider.

The single most important love we can ever experience is the love of our father God. He is truly our great provider and the one who will see us through in our darkest and most private moments.

The second most important love is the love we have for ourselves which honors the gift of life that God gave us.

The third love we should consider is the love we give to those around us, not just our lovers, but every single person we come in contact with.

Romantic love falls to the bottom of the list, where it belongs.  And if you only get to be successful as some love, isn’t finding the love God has for you, learning to love yourself, and learning to love others a much greater gift?

I am not saying being alone is easy. Sometimes it just sucks! But I want to remind you of God’s perfect timing. God absolutely has a plan for you. He will not be late, but He won’t be early either. He sees everything, knows everything, and can make anything happen. Do you really think you can get in God’s way if He has a plan for you??? In fact, I am going to share a love letter with you. It’s the very best, most personal, amazing love letter you could ever receive and I promise you it is more than enough to see you through whatever moment you are in.

My Child,

You may not know me, but I know everything about you. Psalm 139:1

I know when you sit down and when you rise up. Psalm 139:2

I am familiar with all your ways. Psalm 139:3

Even the very hairs on your head are numbered. Matthew 10:29-31

For you were made in my image. Genesis 1:27

In me you live and move and have your being.Acts 17:28

For you are my offspring. Acts 17:28

I knew you even before you were conceived. Jeremiah 1:4-5

I chose you when I planned creation. Ephesians 1:11-12

You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book. Psalm 139:15-16

I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live. Acts 17:26

You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14

I knit you together in your mother's womb. Psalm 139:13

And brought you forth on the day you were born. Psalm 71:6

I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me.John 8:41-44

I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love. 1 John 4:16

And it is my desire to lavish my love on you. 1 John 3:1

Simply because you are my child and I am your Father. 1 John 3:1

I offer you more than your earthly father ever could. Matthew 7:11

For I am the perfect father. Matthew 5:48

Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand. James 1:17

For I am your provider and I meet all your needs. Matthew 6:31-33

My plan for your future has always been filled with hope. Jeremiah 29:11

Because I love you with an everlasting love. Jeremiah 31:3

My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore.Psalms 139:17-18

And I rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17

I will never stop doing good to you. Jeremiah 32:40

For you are my treasured possession. Exodus 19:5

I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul. Jeremiah 32:41

And I want to show you great and marvelous things. Jeremiah 33:3

If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me. Deuteronomy 4:29

Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

For it is I who gave you those desires. Philippians 2:13

I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine. Ephesians 3:20

For I am your greatest encourager. 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you. Psalm 34:18

As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart. Isaiah 40:11

One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes. Revelation 21:3-4

And I'll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth.Revelation 21:3-4

I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus.John 17:23

For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed. John 17:26

He is the exact representation of my being. Hebrews 1:3

He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you. Romans 8:31

And to tell you that I am not counting your sins.2 Corinthians 5:18-19

Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled. 2 Corinthians 5:18-19

His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you. 1 John 4:10

I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love. Romans 8:31-32

If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me. 1 John 2:23

And nothing will ever separate you from my love again.Romans 8:38-39

Come home and I'll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen.Luke 15:7

I have always been Father, and will always be Father.Ephesians 3:14-15

My question is…Will you be my child? John 1:12-13

I am waiting for you. Luke 15:11-32

Love, Your Dad Almighty God

Father's Love Letter used by permission Father Heart Communications

© 1999-2011 www.FathersLoveLetter.com

Asian Cooking

Tonight I prepped dinner for tomorrow. On the menu? Grilled chicken with peanut satay; Asian pork tenderloin & coleslaw. 

The tenderloin should be marinated overnight with 1/2 jalapeno diced finely and equal parts rice wine vinegar, sugar, ketchup, orange juice, soy sauce, and hoisin sauce. I then will cook the pork with all of the marinade in a casserole dish until the pork is done. 

The coleslaw is cabbage(you can pre-cut or cut your own and add carrot slices), 1/2 a finely chopped jalapeno, a head of cilantro chopped, rice wine vinegar, sugar and salt. 

You'll notice I don't have a lot of measurements for this... I like to cook to taste, so you can add more or less of something depending on if you like salty, sour, or sugary more. My rule of thumb is to start of with less ingredient than you will need to so you can course correct as you go vs trying to fix food once it has too much salt. :) 

The chicken Sate with Spicy Peanut dipping sauce comes from Ellie Krieger who specializes in healthy foods. If you try any of these, let me know what you think!!!

Ingredients

• 1/2 cup low-sodium chicken stock
• 1/2 cup lite coconut milk
• 2 tablespoons low-sodium soy sauce
• 1 shallot, sliced thin
• 1 clove garlic, minced
• 1 1/2 teaspoons Thai fish sauce (or 2 additional teaspoons low sodium soy sauce)
• 1 tablespoon brown sugar
• 1/2 teaspoon lime zest
• 1 tablespoon minced fresh ginger
• 1 pound skinless, boneless chicken breast pounded slightly and cut into 1-inch strips

Directions

8 (8-inch) bamboo skewers, soaked for 20 minutes

• 3/4 cup Spicy Peanut Dipping Sauce, recipe below
• 2 tablespoons minced fresh basil or cilantro leaves
• 1/4 cup chopped toasted peanuts

In a medium sized bowl, whisk together the chicken stock, coconut milk, soy sauce, shallot, garlic, fish sauce, brown sugar, lime zest, and ginger. Add the chicken strips and marinate for 1 hour. Remove the chicken from the marinade and discard the marinade.

Spray a nonstick grill pan with cooking spray and preheat over a medium-high flame. While pan is heating, thread chicken onto skewers. Grill 2 to 3 minutes per side, until meat is cooked through and has light grill marks.

Serve chicken skewers with Peanut Dipping Sauce, and garnish with basil or cilantro and chopped peanuts.

Yield: 4 servings (2 skewers and 2 tablespoons peanut sauce per serving)

Spicy Peanut Dipping Sauce:

• 1/2 cup natural creamy peanut butter
• 1/4 cup low-sodium chicken broth
• 3 tablespoons low-sodium soy sauce
• 1 1/2 tablespoons brown sugar
• 1 1/2 tablespoons minced fresh ginger
• 2 tablespoons lime juice
• 1 teaspoon minced garlic
• 1/2 teaspoon chili flakes
• 1 teaspoon red curry paste
• 1 shallot, peeled and roughly chopped

Place all ingredients in blender and blend until smooth.

Sauce can be made 1 day ahead of time, and will keep 3 to 4 days in the refrigerator.

Yield: about 1 1/4 cups

Onion Dip: A healthier and yummier alternative

If you love onion dip, but hate the calories, I have a fix and it is SUPER simple:
You will need: 2 large white onions, olive oil, salt, 4 or 5 pieces off a garlic bulb, fat free sour cream and Veganaise. Veganaise is a Mayo alternatives that is more natural, more flavorful, better for you and vegan friendly. You will find this in the dairy section as it has to be kept in the fridge.
Heat up you large sauce pan with a bit of olive oil. Toss in the garlic, salt, pepper, and sliced onions. Sweat the onions down completely until they are super soft with a browned and caramel appearance. Meanwhile, mix together 1 medium container of fat fee sour cream and 1/2  cup of Veganaise.
Once the onions are complete just add to the sour cream mixture. Mix well. Refrigerate for a couple of hours. It also happens to be really good warm as well. Serve with low fat whole wheat pita chips. DONE! ;)

Ode to Love-Kim's 3 lessons

Someone recently said that Nikki and I were her role model couple. She's not the first one to say something so flattering to Nikki and I. We are blessed beyond measure to have found each other at the time we did, which was no accident, but divine intervention. The fact that I have any resemblance of a normal relationship is in and of itself a miracle. I've been doing lots of observing lately, both of myself and those around me. I apologize in advance to my friends who may or may not be Guinea pigs :)

I have three things that I feel compelled to talk about. 1. You have to be healthy to attract healthy- it's a ticket to entry. 2. Relationships require discipline, not a feeling. 3. We have become desensitized to how much we sabotage ourselves.

When I was in my twenties, which I cringe to look back on now, I went through relationships like I went through Zima's with grenadine.

People were disposable.

I couldn't stand myself. I had no respect for myself. How does someone with that mentality ever really fully care about another human being and make a relationship work? THEY DON'T! So the first lesson is that you have to love yourself and respect yourself before you'll ever be truly ready to invite TRUE love into your life. Until then, you will attract pieces and parts at best. I mean the truth of the matter is, if you are F'ed up in the head, why would someone genuinely well balanced and a good partner ever latch on to you? THEY WON'T! This is a ticket to entry.

This also makes me think of relationships where someone cheats and then tries to come crawling back. Unhealthy says, I can fix it. I still love her. It looks back on the "good times" and mourns for something that will never ever exist again. Healthy says, "you can't even respect yourself. You will never be able to give me the respect I deserve. Get out!" Not learned easily for the self loathing. I still struggle to stay healthy and thank God every day for His wisdom. There are some relationships I thanks the baby Jesus for helping me to walk away from. If not, I'd still be stuck in toxic with no room for healthy.

This brings me to point two. If you are able to pull yourself up by your bootstraps and you are able to find someone who has done the same, you still have to apply discipline. What do I mean? First off, I really believe relationships are hard because you have way more remorse than buying a $200 pair of jeans that really don't make your ass look good. AND you can't always tell if they fit well the first go round. Everyone is on their best behavior in month one, two, three, four, five and sometimes beyond. You've got to keep the jeans around a while; wear them in. You wake up one day and your like, I REALLY DON'T LIKE THESE JEANS AT ALL! But then the bargaining starts. "I spent $200 on these jeans! I am not buying new jeans! Maybe if I wear them with a long sweater..." It's hard to trade in a relationship 6 months, a year or two in. We don't want to admit defeat. We don't want to start over. And God help us, by the time we realize we are not with our soul mate, often moving boxes are involved. But, if we stay with the wrong person we are not making room for the right person! Finding a soul mate is no time for a compromise. We are talking about THE REST OF YOUR LIFE! Part of the trick is REALLY doing your homework up front. To me, it is critical that you find a partner who makes you laugh and shares the core values you share around money, long term goals, children, marriage, career, and religion. They don't have to be identical, but they should be pretty close. Negotiating bowling night is a far cry from negotiating the religion you want to raise your children.

If you are vigilant enough and you hold out for someone who is equally yolked, the biggest key is discipline to keep it together. Eventually no matter how in love with someone you are, eventually YOU WILL PLATEAU. That's life. It's so important to keep certain disciplines in your relationship. Share your faith. Laugh. Change up your routine. Treat each other with respect. Don't belittle each other in front of friends. Now some of you might be like "DUH"!!!!!! But it's easy when your 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 years into a relationship to take each other for granted.. you can forget to pray or go to church. Life gets stressful and you forget to laugh with one another. Decide in advance what is really important to both of you. Make a commitment. Revisit that commitment often. Check in on how you're doing to the goals you've set about your relationship.

Lastly, stop self sabotaging! We all struggle with this. I keep trying to do God's job for Him and I keep trying to make my world smaller than it has to be. God has much MUCH MUCH BIGGER plans for us than we can ever have for ourselves. Sometimes I might say something like, "I'll never have that." SAYS WHO????? Ask God to take over. Ask Him to pave the way. And ask Him to help get you out of the way!

I hope my ranting has been helpful and caused you to stop and re-evaluate a couple things in the new year :)

This is the article I found earlier by Grant Cardone also speaks nicely to some of the thoughts I hit on.

"Love is not a feeling, love is a decision you make and continue to make in order to create an experience that is described as love. Love is an action that if you don't use it you lose it. Love is like any communication, if you never send it out, you won’t get a return. Love is something you give to others not something you feel because something happens to you. Most of my life I was under the delusion that love was a feeling, something that was going to happen to me. Love is not something that happens to you but something that you make happen to you and happen to others. Love is something that grows from your actions and decisions and if you don’t have it and or not experiencing it then there is something you don’t know about love! I spent most of my adult life waiting for love to happen to me and after one failed marriage and endless searching for “the right person” I finally realized the truth about love, how to have it, how to create it and how to sustain it. Wikipedia also states love as an experience related to a strong sense of affection. Affection is a "disposition or state of mind or body"[1] that is often associated with a feeling or type of love. This definition suggests that you do something rather than have something done to you. How do you feel affection for anything? You would actually decide to show it love, admire it, pay attention to it, treat it right, honor it, praise it, and find the good in it. At which point you will then have affection for it. Mistreat it, lie to it, and ignore it and I assure you that you will not feel affection for it nor will you ever say you love it. Love is probably the single most universally desired human quality that exist on this planet. Love is not something you can buy or barter, it is not taught at school, it doesn’t matter how rich you are, your IQ, race, creed, religion, social economic status or who you know. So on this Valentine's Day practice making a decision to love and then following that decision up with actions that communicate love. Remember love is not a feeling; love is a decision!"

Welcome 2012

Every year I write my goals for the following year and recap the previous year to hold myself accountable and review progress.
2012 goals:
-Attend church 75% of the time if not more
-Read the bible 2 to 3 times a week
-Write something weekly- blog or poetry
-Plan kitchen remodel (additional cabinet space, table for 10-12, new appliances, and new countertops)
-Figure out how God really wants me to use my talents; how do I serve the world best?
-Buy a small RV for weekend travel
-Continue working on my relationship with Nikki every single day
-Clean out our closets and storage- literally- get rid of the JUNK!
-Create a health plan I can stick with

2011 goals in review :
-Continue to prioritize my relationship with God and my relationship with Nikki in every opportunity: Still an opportunity. We did a lot with church through bible studies and non profit work, but still feel like we can do a lot more. Nikki and I have done a good job praying over meals and praying every morning. We need to get back to bible studies and attend church more frequently in 2012.-Get Duke registered with Delta Society and Reading Paws so we can visit schools and nursing homes together. Duke passed his therapy test and we have been on a couple visits already-Get to freaking Italy Spent 3 weeks in In Italy, France, Spain, and Portugal. SO SO SO excited about finally being able to make this dream come true. Thank you God!-Create a longer term strategy around future wealth. I want 6 digits in my income and 7 digits in my portfolio. I won't stop until I figure out a way to make that happen. Other people can do it, so there's no reason I can't either Really struggled with this one. Spending 2012 focusing on what I love and trying to get away from the dollar amount. While I would like to create additional wealth, I really want to find what it is that God wants me to do so I can best leverage my strengths.-Buy an RV for weekend travel- moved to 2012 since we spent so much on our 3 week trip :)

Love me some lesbians

Ok this is probably going to come out sounding bitchy. I like women. In fact, I love them. I love the way they look, smell, dress, etc... And I certainly protect the right to be who you are and express yourself as you see fit. When I look at women, I am drawn to the ones that look like, I don't know... women. And hey, if you are a boy stuck in a chick body, I get that.
What I don't get is perfectly good looking women who sabatoge themselves by looking like shit repeatedly in public. Now you have to understand this is a BIG statement for me. I am not a fashionista. I can barely dress myself. And hey, you can dress any way you damn well please.
With that said, I am making sure I show love to my lesbian sisters. Here are top tips:
1. Stop buying boy jeans and jeans that are 3 sizes too big. Saggy jeans suck and make you look like you shit your pants. We want to see your ass!
2. If you wear the same shoes day after day after day after day, we will NOTICE.
3. You can be a tomboy with long hair that is not a mullet. Why do so many perfectly sexy lesbians cut all their hair off? Now I have seen some very attractive lesbians with short hair. I am just asking why the ratio of short haired women is so much higher in the lesbian community? I mean really? WHY???
4. If you look, act, dress and smell like a dude, I am passing you over... If I wanted a dude, I would have married one.
5. Plaid is not in fashion and probably will never be again- BURN it!!!!

I firmly believe if you are a lesbian, you represent all of us. We should show we are proud of who we are. You can absolutely be butch or androgynous and be super hot. Thing Shane from the L word. However, if you don't take care of yourself, you make it look like we all sit in a pool of self loathing all day. I love soft, beautiful, sexy, confident women who can ebb and flow between masculine and feminine. Women are incredible creatures...harness your power!

Thanks and happy hunting ;)

I love this poem!!!!!!

Longing by Matthew Arnold

Come to me in my dreams, and then
By day I shall be well again!
For so the night will more than pay
The hopeless longing of the day.
Come, as thou cam’st a thousand times,
A messenger from radiant climes,
And smile on thy new world, and be
As kind to others as to me!
Or, as thou never cam’st in sooth,
Come now, and let me dream it truth,
And part my hair, and kiss my brow,
And say, My love why sufferest thou?
Come to me in my dreams, and then
By day I shall be well again!
For so the night will more than pay
The hopeless longing of the day

What pleases you???

I started reading Eat, Pray, Love... I have not finished yet. One of the comments she makes is about spending time in Italy and how she focused for the first time on what pleased her. She spent every waking hour of every day doing as she pleased.

This caused me pause. I started thinking about how much time I spend working, pleasing others, fulfilling obligations, and doing the every day ordinary things that make up life. What would I do if I could spend 24 hours a day doing what pleases me?

1. I would spend more time getting to know God.

2. I would cook more. And not just the dinner time cooking. The "no one is here and I don't care, but I am going to cook a feast anyway" kind of cooking

3. I would spend 6 months exploring every inch of Italy.

4. I would travel to the Holy Land.

5. I would take one of those $30k cruises around the world

6. I would spend more time with Mr. Dukie Pickles

7. I would paint more ceramics

8. I would help other people

9. I would explore the USA with Nikki in an RV

10. I would take pictures... lots and lots of pictures.

11. I would make more bath fizzies with Allie

12. I would write more poetry, blogs, etc...

13. I'd throw a LOT of parties

14. I'd hang out by the ocean a lot

What would you do?

No one is commenting on my blog. I am getting lonely and am starting to think I am talking to myself.. Please share :)

Shakespeare and words on my mind

SONNET 116

Let me not to the marriage of true minds

Amit impediments. Love is not love


Which alters when it alteration finds,


Or bends with the remover to remove:


O no! it is an ever-fixed mark


That looks on tempests and is never shaken;


It is the star to every wandering bark,


Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.


Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks


Within his bending sickle's compass come:


Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,


But bears it out even to the edge of doom.


If this be error and upon me proved,


I never writ, nor no man ever loved.





I love this poem. It's hopeful and desperate at the same time.


It is everything a poem should be. On the surface, it sounds like a great love story. Perhaps it is.


I'm impressed with it's ability to verbalize love and wanting, some 4000 plus years from when it was first written. Really, think about it....Think about how many thousands of lives have come and gone and how much culture has stayed the same and changed in 4000 years and yet the words still resonate a deep passionate wanting.


Meanwhile, below the surface, with even a small amount of research, tons of queastions rise to the surface.


Was Shakespeare gay?


Was this about his lover?


Was this a valient attempt at writing a poem 3rd person about a male?


If it is his personal writing, did he truly intend for his most personal work to get published?


Did this come from his personal and secret diary?


So delicious! Exactly what a poem should do.


On the surface, beautiful, eloquent, sensational; intertwining the simple and the complex.


Immediately below the surface, it leaves question, room for error, interpretation and mystery.


Ah, I love words... in all their splendor. BIG. small. ErRaTic, UnpRedictAble, woven together stories, moments frozen in time from a single 1 dimensional perspective.


I am so very grateful for our ability to articulate ourselves.


That's why I love Shakespeare. He knew the power of words. And I respect the hell out of him for that.

What would happen if you could fly anywhere?

If I had the magical ability to fly anywhere, anytime and time was not a factor, I would start in Italy. I would exploring each and every magificent city..Florence, Rome, Sicily, the Chianti region, Tuscany, Pisa, Amalfi coast, Venice...oh the possibilities!
Once I was able to explore every nook and cranny, I would be off to Greece, Turkey, Scotland, Amsterdam, Switzerland, Austria, China, Japan, Thailand, Tahiti, Egypt, The Holy Land, Russia, Alaska, Ireland, Australia, France, England... um pretty much every country I could get my hands on. My dream vacation would be one of those practically year long around the world cruises.
But yes, I would have to start with Italy.
Why?
1. I love the wine! I can only imagine exploring the wine country, learning about the trade from locals.
2. I love cheese. Just thinking about visiting parma makes me drool!
3. The cooking. Hanging out with locals and making authentic Italian food.. YUM!
4. The country side- gorgeous, historic, epic!
5. The architecture. There is something about old buildings that have been around for hundreds of years. They are so mysterious...who was there before me? How did the building get created? What events took place here?
6. The pictures. I will love looking back 5, 10, 15 years from now thinking back on my time in Italy.

Nikki and I would eat Mozzarella/Tomato sandwiches, eat 20lbs of cheese a piece, drink 20 bottles of wine, shops in Venice, drive the coast, stay in B&B's, walk along the coast, learn a little Italian, shop in local markets, cook and drink with the locals, stare at art work, stare at people, stare at fountains and buildings. Yes, Italy will be amazing!!!!

What about you? What would happen if you could fly anywhere?

Like an old friend..

I love poetry because it is a reminder of who you have been, places you have travelled, experiences you have sought. Here's a few I dusted off for your enjoyment. Let me know what you think. :)

Belly of the Bridge
I thought it was some hallucination or maybe the Shiraz,as I watched the man who called the belly of the bridge his home.

His arms and legs flailed through the air like he was kicking and screaming for sanity.

Was this his entertainment for those who rode by nightly in the riverboat?

Perhaps it was his own?

Or maybe he was acting out some nightmarish skit from his past.

Someone said he must be high.

I might be as well if I lived his life.

The speed of the boat forsook my steps as I tried to keep him in sight.

All alone he stood unshaven, unkempt, and perhaps unloved.

Was it a curse or a blessing?

Psychedelic in my bed
Psychedelic in my bed,Can't get this awful feeling from my fucking head.

Won't move forward.

Can't let go.

The downward spiral torturing me so.

Kaleidoscopic vision never disappears,

A rainbow of atrocity fills between my ears.

Who are you this soul I must claim as mine?

What my mind has done must be a final sign.

Abomination to polarize this personality it must be.

I am a transfixed imagined figure this world will never really see.

All that is angelic and innocent looms,so dangerously close to my naughty hidden rooms.

Who am I, this contemporary fairy on free flight?

Yes, I think it's going to be another very long night.

Untitled
I dig past the pain and I find even more.

Broken fragments I cannot string together.

My guilt is over whelming, yet I cannot find the crime.

Alone, afraid, fearful, paralyzed.

I cannot throw you away and yet I cannot embrace the gravity of your truth.

I run, cry, fight for addiction and fill my world with activity to avoid the stay still truth you know.

Too much to think on.

I'd rather sleep.

God help me.

Feel for me, what I cannot.

Work
Work. Work. Work.

2750 hours of this year gone.

Sleep- 2496 more gone.

3490 left to clean, pick up the kids, run errands, pay bills, grocery shop, pencil in time to enjoy life.

Busy. Busy. Go. Go.

Cars whizzing by and electricity shooting through the air.

Starbucks Carmel Macchiato, that sounds good. "$4.95 please."

Watch Oprah and American Idol on Tivo.

Shower, make coffee, make the bed, make a life.

Don't stop now, keep going.

Be a daughter, be a friend, be a lover, talk to Jesus, pick up the dry cleaning, complain about life with a friend.

Drive to the mall, watch the flourescent red, blue, and yellow signs flash by me.

Pass a homeless person.

Wait.Stop.

Don't.Don't be de-sensitized.

Who is this man?

Where is his family?

How can I be so blessed and him so unfortunate?

How did he end up on the street?

How will he spend Christmas?

Alone? In a shelter? Begging for change from travellers?

8736 hours to worship Jesus and what have I done?

Gave change to the Salvation Army.

Spent 5 years at a school fixing it up.

Went to church 39 times, busy the other 13.

Squandered my time.

Squandered my talent.

Squandered my treasure.

Gave not enough back for what I was given.

Looked at commercialism instead of humanity...God forgive me.

Shower me with your grace and mercy.

I am inadequate.

I am unworthy.

Slow me down.

Thank you Lord for your messanger.

Lord, I am humbled.

Dysfunction Junction
Dysfunction junction is a ride where you can no longer hide.

It’s where you decide that all of your decisions will misguide.

You wanted to escape, you tried, but without victory you subside.

Someone was suppose to be your guide, but their indignity is covered by your pride.

Each one a dose of cyanide, but it’s really your own mission towards emotional suicide.

Abuse and shame always collide, until you stand firm and open eyed.

Don’t be embarrassed you can’t get off this joyride;

it’s an epidemic spread world wide.

A cycling rollercoaster all part of the landslide, that is, until you turn the tide.

Walk away from the abuse, for god sake, untie the noose.

It’s time to call a truce, this time don’t let it seduce.

What left do you have to reduce?

What is it this time? What excuse?

Aren’t you tired of this boring game?

Tell me you want to be the one who overcame.

The only obstacle is you, so dear friend with this dysfunction junction, what will you do?

I need your help....

1. I'd really like to aquire more followers. More followers= more participation. More participation=an interactive forum :) If you know anyone who might like my blog, please pass it along. If you have not yet signed up to follow the blog and you enjoy what I have written so far, please do.

2. I use to write all the time. I was the high school newspaper editor and I was on the staff on my college paper. In addition I've written poetry since I was in 7th grade. This blog gives me a chance to get in touch with my inner writer. I will try to avoid typos..hee hee. Sometimes I need a little inspiration to write. My first mini assignment for anyone who might read this is to tell me what you'd like to see me write about. Want to know my view on something? Want to know my best drunk story? My view on world religion. What's my favorite recipe? Give me some ideas that might be fun to write about and I will give it a stab.

Thanks a bunch. I look forward to these blogs! :)

Kim and Nikki- 1st date of 2011

I hope you have had the chance to experience the Contributor newspaper. If you haven’t, you are missing out big! http://www.thecontributor.org/main/ The Contributor is a street newspaper designed to help the homeless help themselves. They buy the newspapers for .25 and sell them for $1. They are also allowed to keep any tips. If you see a homeless person selling the Contributor on the side of the road, they are legit. They work hard. They must work sober. And this is a great financial rehabilitation program for the homeless.
Nikki and I had the privilege of attending their “Disposables” benefit last night. We shared dinner with the vendors as well as looked over their photography they had for sale. All of the photos were taken with disposable cameras. Some of their artwork was quite magnificent. It was such an inspiring evening. It was also freezing. I couldn’t help but think about these homeless folks and cringe at the thought of a single person being stuck out in the freezing cold weather overnight.
After the Art show was over, Nikki and I decided we were not quite ready to call it a night. Even though it was freezing, we decided to do a little walking. We bundled up and headed to Hotel Indigo which houses a fabulous two story Starbucks. On our way, we discovered an art walk was going on. So Nikki and I stopped spontaneously into a couple of the shops, which proved to be fun and fascinating.
Once we made it to the hotel, I ordered a Venti decaf latte and Nikki ordered a hot chocolate. Nikki mentioned aloud that she wished she had some peppermint schnapps to go into her hot chocolate. The barista recommended the idea of going to the bar and getting a shot to put into our coffee.
What a great idea!!! So we both head to the bar. I request a shot of peppermint and one kahlua. He didn’t have peppermint, so I substituted for Malibu. We sneak our shots into our Starbuck coffees about the same time he is handing me our bill for the two shots… $8 I think.. ,maybe $10… it is a fancy hotel.., maybe $12. Nope… try $20!!!!!!!!!! $20 for two teeny weenie itty bitty shots of alcohol. Not even enough to get a fly drunk!!!
Of course, Nikki and I laughed it off. We then perused around the Hotel Indigo and checked out their art work.
We then headed back to the truck, but we were still having a load of fun and we were still a little hungry. I convinced Nikki to go hang out at The Palm. We split a fabulous bottle of Malbec called La Linda from Argentina. We also had Calamari, a blue cheese/tomato salad, and Lobster Bisque. YUM!!!!
We then bundled up and made a B line to the truck. It was 19 degrees, YIKES! On the way home, we got behind a car that had a bumper sticker that said “I love Jesus” only Jesus was intentionally scratched out and it was replaced with "Blowjobs". How sad we commented. I mean really? If you love blow jobs great… good for you. But really scratch out the name of Jesus and replace it with “blowjobs”..so so wrong.. Of course it was no surprise to Nikki and I that he was completely alone on a Saturday night… Shocking, huh!
All in all our first date in 2011 turned out to be amazing. Thanks baby…everything is better with you! (Queue the audience throwing up and gagging) :) hee hee

How big can you dream?

2011 is going to be a pivotal year.
I have learned to trust my instincts more.
I am not fully leveraging the strengths and skills God gave me and I am not sure how I better integrate those things into my life, but there is a deep stirring in my soul telling me more positive change is in the works. I feel Him challenging me, prodding me to take risks and ask myself the tough questions.
I’ve been told that nothing is ever good enough for me. I want too much. I dream too big. To which I say… Pa-KA-Key!!!! We are our own worst enemy. I will not stand in my own way. I will not put myself or God in a tiny box. I will not limit what is possible. I challenge you to consider the same.
ANYTHING is possible. Remember that childlike innocence we all once had? The innocence that said we could touch the stars, be president of the United States, conquer anything, have anything, and be anything? I still believe in that child. Do you?
I look around at each tiny blade of grass, the birds flying through the air, the tall trees that have lived longer than me, the blue sky, my body’s movement and its ability to heal itself, my friends, each tiny unique snow flake. God is in control. God is in everything. God will not let me down.
In 2011 I will turn my cannots into cans; my no’s into yeses, my fears into trust, my anxiety into peace, my want into reality. I will do this with God’s grace and mercy because I know He provides.
Here is my favorite quote of all time:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” Marianne Williamson

If money and fear were not a factor..what would you dare to do?

Welcome 2011... The year of anything can happen if I dream it!

Every year I write my goals for the following year and recap the previous year to hold myself accountable and review progress.
2010 goals in review:
-Continue to prioritize my relationship with God and my relationship with Nikki in every opportunity. Nikki and I made a lot of progress this year. We continue to pray at every meal and pray every morning before our day gets started. We started a small bible study group in our home, which we host once week. We started running the church couples ministry. And I did two different small theatre skits. We definitely met more people at church this year and were more plugged in for sure! Oh yeah and we went to see Joyce Meyers, which rocked!
-Get Duke registered with Delta Society and Reading Paws so we can visit schools and nursing homes together Duke is doing great, but I need to work with him more, so we can get him past the “neutral dog” test
-Travel abroad Most of our travel this year was inland, but we did do a fabulous Caribbean cruise on Celebrity, where we got to visit 3 new countries..Awesome. Plus we went to Atlanta, Florida, Chicago, Milwaukee, and a few small weekend trips.
-Create a longer term strategy around future wealth. I want 6 digits in my income and 7 digits in my portfolio. I won't stop until I figure out a way to make that happen. I am still trying to figure out what God’s long term plan is for me. I know He has something amazing in store, I just need to do a little more baking before I am ready
-Buy an RV for weekend travel –Moved to 2011 goals
-Get to freaking Italy –Moved to 2011 goals
I will be working on categorizing 2011 goals and making them as specific as possible, so I can mark them as I go, but here is my first stab:
· Get back to the weight I was when I met Nikki :)

·Continue success with couples ministry and small group
· Yoga once a week
· Home cooked healthy meals three times per week
· Take 1 finance, 1 cooking, and 1 architecture class
· Do 1 theatre production this year
· Get car and credit card paid off
· Visit my brother in Conn
· GO TO ITALY
· Buy a small RV
· Dance once a week with Nikki
· Send or give Nikki a card once a week
· Have Nikki play the guitar for me every week
· Have a huge garage sale and get rid of unneeded crap
· Power wash the house
· Paint the ramp on the back deck
· Blog 2 times a week
· Organize our closets
· Drink 3 glasses of water a day
· Write poetry once a month
· Read the bible at least 3 times a week
· Get Duke past the Neutral dog” test
· Really think about a long term strategy on career..how do I find something that really leverages my strengths?

Other goals for the future: A Mediterranean cruise, visit wine country in CA, new kitchen appliances and a granite counter top.

I know I added a lot of “cost” items.. so I will be having yard sales, learning about Ebay, selling excess gold, bath fizzies, selling old books, movies, cd’s, counting change, and coming up with other inventive ideas.
If you have some LEGAL and realistic ideas on how to make some extra cash, let me know :)

Let Me Introduce you....

Welcome to my brain. Thanks for stopping in. I'll be sharing a little about myself and my favorite things today so you can learn about my "Tate of Mind." I hope you enjoy.

I strive to keep God as the center of my life. I know that everything good has come from Him and and I would be nothing without Him. I am so grateful for God's grace and mercy every single day!

God was gracious enough to send me the most amazing gift ever, Nikki Ivey! I saw Nikki's profile on Myspace, when Myspace was still super cool. I'd never reached out to a complete stranger in my life. But I liked Nikki's fiction writing, she loved animals like I do, and she had recently gotten out of a relationship like I had. So I wrote to her looking for a pen pal of sorts. We conversed for several weeks via email. Then we met in person. What was suppose to be a "Let's drown our sorrows night" ended up being a "sparks flying" night. We had a great time. I was armed with Lisa and Nathan and seh was armed with Robin for reinforcement, but we didn't need it!

She asked me to go out on the boat with her and some friends the next day.

I told her I had to work.

She told me to play hookie.

I explained how imortant my career was.

I called one of my best friends, who also happened to work with me. I told her my predicament. She told me I would do EVERYONE a favor if I took the day off.

So I did. I showed up to Nikki's place at 7am!

However, there was no room on the boat for us!
Nikki frantically called her mother... Her mom came up with the idea for us to go to the RC Cola and Moon Pie Festival in Bell Buckle, TN... and we did.
It was a crazy fun and amazing first date.

5 years later and I am more crazy about her every single day.

She is a spiritual warrior, an amazing friend, trustworthy, she makes me laugh, we share our dreams and fears together and she is an exponential multiplier of joy and everything good in my life.

Next, Meet Mr. Dukie Pickles...

Mr. Dukie Pickles was SUPPOSED to be a foster dog... key word SUPPOSED. Of course I fell in love with him in 3 seconds flat and now he fills my heart with more love than I could ever describe. Mr. Pickles models occassionally, he has a solid grasp of sit, down, stay, circle, treat, back, and snuggle. He is great with other dogs. He loves the dog park, popcorn, french fries, peanut butter, liver treats, hanging out with kids, fetching, bathing in the sun, wearing his bathrobe after bath time, and snuggling with mom. He is still grasping the "Do not run after the neighbors or the neighbors dog" rule; the "don't bark your head off when people come to the door" rule and the "NO you cannot eat EVERYTHING in the house AT ONE TIME" rule.

Oh and of course, I should tell you a bit about me by sharing some of my favorite things (In no particular order):

I love the ocean, my dogs, scrapbooking, theatre, wine, HGTV, OWN network, Food network, the ID channel, Oprah, Rachel Ray, Ellen, picnics, cabins, tomato/mozzarella, candles, Angel perfume by Thierry Mugler, my friends, making Bath fizzies, painting ceramics, Old Navy, Chico, Sushi, photography, awesome coupon deals, Christmas time for the decorations, COFFEE!, The wizard of Oz, Wicked, Thomas Arvid Art, Flemings Steak House, Art/photo books, cruises, Europe, any kind of travel, karoake, the beach, Damien Rice, Joyce Meyers, Cindy Morgan, cooking, entertaining, developing people, being creative, and laughing a LOT!