What pleases you???

I started reading Eat, Pray, Love... I have not finished yet. One of the comments she makes is about spending time in Italy and how she focused for the first time on what pleased her. She spent every waking hour of every day doing as she pleased.

This caused me pause. I started thinking about how much time I spend working, pleasing others, fulfilling obligations, and doing the every day ordinary things that make up life. What would I do if I could spend 24 hours a day doing what pleases me?

1. I would spend more time getting to know God.

2. I would cook more. And not just the dinner time cooking. The "no one is here and I don't care, but I am going to cook a feast anyway" kind of cooking

3. I would spend 6 months exploring every inch of Italy.

4. I would travel to the Holy Land.

5. I would take one of those $30k cruises around the world

6. I would spend more time with Mr. Dukie Pickles

7. I would paint more ceramics

8. I would help other people

9. I would explore the USA with Nikki in an RV

10. I would take pictures... lots and lots of pictures.

11. I would make more bath fizzies with Allie

12. I would write more poetry, blogs, etc...

13. I'd throw a LOT of parties

14. I'd hang out by the ocean a lot

What would you do?

No one is commenting on my blog. I am getting lonely and am starting to think I am talking to myself.. Please share :)

Shakespeare and words on my mind

SONNET 116

Let me not to the marriage of true minds

Amit impediments. Love is not love


Which alters when it alteration finds,


Or bends with the remover to remove:


O no! it is an ever-fixed mark


That looks on tempests and is never shaken;


It is the star to every wandering bark,


Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.


Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks


Within his bending sickle's compass come:


Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,


But bears it out even to the edge of doom.


If this be error and upon me proved,


I never writ, nor no man ever loved.





I love this poem. It's hopeful and desperate at the same time.


It is everything a poem should be. On the surface, it sounds like a great love story. Perhaps it is.


I'm impressed with it's ability to verbalize love and wanting, some 4000 plus years from when it was first written. Really, think about it....Think about how many thousands of lives have come and gone and how much culture has stayed the same and changed in 4000 years and yet the words still resonate a deep passionate wanting.


Meanwhile, below the surface, with even a small amount of research, tons of queastions rise to the surface.


Was Shakespeare gay?


Was this about his lover?


Was this a valient attempt at writing a poem 3rd person about a male?


If it is his personal writing, did he truly intend for his most personal work to get published?


Did this come from his personal and secret diary?


So delicious! Exactly what a poem should do.


On the surface, beautiful, eloquent, sensational; intertwining the simple and the complex.


Immediately below the surface, it leaves question, room for error, interpretation and mystery.


Ah, I love words... in all their splendor. BIG. small. ErRaTic, UnpRedictAble, woven together stories, moments frozen in time from a single 1 dimensional perspective.


I am so very grateful for our ability to articulate ourselves.


That's why I love Shakespeare. He knew the power of words. And I respect the hell out of him for that.

What would happen if you could fly anywhere?

If I had the magical ability to fly anywhere, anytime and time was not a factor, I would start in Italy. I would exploring each and every magificent city..Florence, Rome, Sicily, the Chianti region, Tuscany, Pisa, Amalfi coast, Venice...oh the possibilities!
Once I was able to explore every nook and cranny, I would be off to Greece, Turkey, Scotland, Amsterdam, Switzerland, Austria, China, Japan, Thailand, Tahiti, Egypt, The Holy Land, Russia, Alaska, Ireland, Australia, France, England... um pretty much every country I could get my hands on. My dream vacation would be one of those practically year long around the world cruises.
But yes, I would have to start with Italy.
Why?
1. I love the wine! I can only imagine exploring the wine country, learning about the trade from locals.
2. I love cheese. Just thinking about visiting parma makes me drool!
3. The cooking. Hanging out with locals and making authentic Italian food.. YUM!
4. The country side- gorgeous, historic, epic!
5. The architecture. There is something about old buildings that have been around for hundreds of years. They are so mysterious...who was there before me? How did the building get created? What events took place here?
6. The pictures. I will love looking back 5, 10, 15 years from now thinking back on my time in Italy.

Nikki and I would eat Mozzarella/Tomato sandwiches, eat 20lbs of cheese a piece, drink 20 bottles of wine, shops in Venice, drive the coast, stay in B&B's, walk along the coast, learn a little Italian, shop in local markets, cook and drink with the locals, stare at art work, stare at people, stare at fountains and buildings. Yes, Italy will be amazing!!!!

What about you? What would happen if you could fly anywhere?

Like an old friend..

I love poetry because it is a reminder of who you have been, places you have travelled, experiences you have sought. Here's a few I dusted off for your enjoyment. Let me know what you think. :)

Belly of the Bridge
I thought it was some hallucination or maybe the Shiraz,as I watched the man who called the belly of the bridge his home.

His arms and legs flailed through the air like he was kicking and screaming for sanity.

Was this his entertainment for those who rode by nightly in the riverboat?

Perhaps it was his own?

Or maybe he was acting out some nightmarish skit from his past.

Someone said he must be high.

I might be as well if I lived his life.

The speed of the boat forsook my steps as I tried to keep him in sight.

All alone he stood unshaven, unkempt, and perhaps unloved.

Was it a curse or a blessing?

Psychedelic in my bed
Psychedelic in my bed,Can't get this awful feeling from my fucking head.

Won't move forward.

Can't let go.

The downward spiral torturing me so.

Kaleidoscopic vision never disappears,

A rainbow of atrocity fills between my ears.

Who are you this soul I must claim as mine?

What my mind has done must be a final sign.

Abomination to polarize this personality it must be.

I am a transfixed imagined figure this world will never really see.

All that is angelic and innocent looms,so dangerously close to my naughty hidden rooms.

Who am I, this contemporary fairy on free flight?

Yes, I think it's going to be another very long night.

Untitled
I dig past the pain and I find even more.

Broken fragments I cannot string together.

My guilt is over whelming, yet I cannot find the crime.

Alone, afraid, fearful, paralyzed.

I cannot throw you away and yet I cannot embrace the gravity of your truth.

I run, cry, fight for addiction and fill my world with activity to avoid the stay still truth you know.

Too much to think on.

I'd rather sleep.

God help me.

Feel for me, what I cannot.

Work
Work. Work. Work.

2750 hours of this year gone.

Sleep- 2496 more gone.

3490 left to clean, pick up the kids, run errands, pay bills, grocery shop, pencil in time to enjoy life.

Busy. Busy. Go. Go.

Cars whizzing by and electricity shooting through the air.

Starbucks Carmel Macchiato, that sounds good. "$4.95 please."

Watch Oprah and American Idol on Tivo.

Shower, make coffee, make the bed, make a life.

Don't stop now, keep going.

Be a daughter, be a friend, be a lover, talk to Jesus, pick up the dry cleaning, complain about life with a friend.

Drive to the mall, watch the flourescent red, blue, and yellow signs flash by me.

Pass a homeless person.

Wait.Stop.

Don't.Don't be de-sensitized.

Who is this man?

Where is his family?

How can I be so blessed and him so unfortunate?

How did he end up on the street?

How will he spend Christmas?

Alone? In a shelter? Begging for change from travellers?

8736 hours to worship Jesus and what have I done?

Gave change to the Salvation Army.

Spent 5 years at a school fixing it up.

Went to church 39 times, busy the other 13.

Squandered my time.

Squandered my talent.

Squandered my treasure.

Gave not enough back for what I was given.

Looked at commercialism instead of humanity...God forgive me.

Shower me with your grace and mercy.

I am inadequate.

I am unworthy.

Slow me down.

Thank you Lord for your messanger.

Lord, I am humbled.

Dysfunction Junction
Dysfunction junction is a ride where you can no longer hide.

It’s where you decide that all of your decisions will misguide.

You wanted to escape, you tried, but without victory you subside.

Someone was suppose to be your guide, but their indignity is covered by your pride.

Each one a dose of cyanide, but it’s really your own mission towards emotional suicide.

Abuse and shame always collide, until you stand firm and open eyed.

Don’t be embarrassed you can’t get off this joyride;

it’s an epidemic spread world wide.

A cycling rollercoaster all part of the landslide, that is, until you turn the tide.

Walk away from the abuse, for god sake, untie the noose.

It’s time to call a truce, this time don’t let it seduce.

What left do you have to reduce?

What is it this time? What excuse?

Aren’t you tired of this boring game?

Tell me you want to be the one who overcame.

The only obstacle is you, so dear friend with this dysfunction junction, what will you do?

I need your help....

1. I'd really like to aquire more followers. More followers= more participation. More participation=an interactive forum :) If you know anyone who might like my blog, please pass it along. If you have not yet signed up to follow the blog and you enjoy what I have written so far, please do.

2. I use to write all the time. I was the high school newspaper editor and I was on the staff on my college paper. In addition I've written poetry since I was in 7th grade. This blog gives me a chance to get in touch with my inner writer. I will try to avoid typos..hee hee. Sometimes I need a little inspiration to write. My first mini assignment for anyone who might read this is to tell me what you'd like to see me write about. Want to know my view on something? Want to know my best drunk story? My view on world religion. What's my favorite recipe? Give me some ideas that might be fun to write about and I will give it a stab.

Thanks a bunch. I look forward to these blogs! :)

Kim and Nikki- 1st date of 2011

I hope you have had the chance to experience the Contributor newspaper. If you haven’t, you are missing out big! http://www.thecontributor.org/main/ The Contributor is a street newspaper designed to help the homeless help themselves. They buy the newspapers for .25 and sell them for $1. They are also allowed to keep any tips. If you see a homeless person selling the Contributor on the side of the road, they are legit. They work hard. They must work sober. And this is a great financial rehabilitation program for the homeless.
Nikki and I had the privilege of attending their “Disposables” benefit last night. We shared dinner with the vendors as well as looked over their photography they had for sale. All of the photos were taken with disposable cameras. Some of their artwork was quite magnificent. It was such an inspiring evening. It was also freezing. I couldn’t help but think about these homeless folks and cringe at the thought of a single person being stuck out in the freezing cold weather overnight.
After the Art show was over, Nikki and I decided we were not quite ready to call it a night. Even though it was freezing, we decided to do a little walking. We bundled up and headed to Hotel Indigo which houses a fabulous two story Starbucks. On our way, we discovered an art walk was going on. So Nikki and I stopped spontaneously into a couple of the shops, which proved to be fun and fascinating.
Once we made it to the hotel, I ordered a Venti decaf latte and Nikki ordered a hot chocolate. Nikki mentioned aloud that she wished she had some peppermint schnapps to go into her hot chocolate. The barista recommended the idea of going to the bar and getting a shot to put into our coffee.
What a great idea!!! So we both head to the bar. I request a shot of peppermint and one kahlua. He didn’t have peppermint, so I substituted for Malibu. We sneak our shots into our Starbuck coffees about the same time he is handing me our bill for the two shots… $8 I think.. ,maybe $10… it is a fancy hotel.., maybe $12. Nope… try $20!!!!!!!!!! $20 for two teeny weenie itty bitty shots of alcohol. Not even enough to get a fly drunk!!!
Of course, Nikki and I laughed it off. We then perused around the Hotel Indigo and checked out their art work.
We then headed back to the truck, but we were still having a load of fun and we were still a little hungry. I convinced Nikki to go hang out at The Palm. We split a fabulous bottle of Malbec called La Linda from Argentina. We also had Calamari, a blue cheese/tomato salad, and Lobster Bisque. YUM!!!!
We then bundled up and made a B line to the truck. It was 19 degrees, YIKES! On the way home, we got behind a car that had a bumper sticker that said “I love Jesus” only Jesus was intentionally scratched out and it was replaced with "Blowjobs". How sad we commented. I mean really? If you love blow jobs great… good for you. But really scratch out the name of Jesus and replace it with “blowjobs”..so so wrong.. Of course it was no surprise to Nikki and I that he was completely alone on a Saturday night… Shocking, huh!
All in all our first date in 2011 turned out to be amazing. Thanks baby…everything is better with you! (Queue the audience throwing up and gagging) :) hee hee

How big can you dream?

2011 is going to be a pivotal year.
I have learned to trust my instincts more.
I am not fully leveraging the strengths and skills God gave me and I am not sure how I better integrate those things into my life, but there is a deep stirring in my soul telling me more positive change is in the works. I feel Him challenging me, prodding me to take risks and ask myself the tough questions.
I’ve been told that nothing is ever good enough for me. I want too much. I dream too big. To which I say… Pa-KA-Key!!!! We are our own worst enemy. I will not stand in my own way. I will not put myself or God in a tiny box. I will not limit what is possible. I challenge you to consider the same.
ANYTHING is possible. Remember that childlike innocence we all once had? The innocence that said we could touch the stars, be president of the United States, conquer anything, have anything, and be anything? I still believe in that child. Do you?
I look around at each tiny blade of grass, the birds flying through the air, the tall trees that have lived longer than me, the blue sky, my body’s movement and its ability to heal itself, my friends, each tiny unique snow flake. God is in control. God is in everything. God will not let me down.
In 2011 I will turn my cannots into cans; my no’s into yeses, my fears into trust, my anxiety into peace, my want into reality. I will do this with God’s grace and mercy because I know He provides.
Here is my favorite quote of all time:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” Marianne Williamson

If money and fear were not a factor..what would you dare to do?